Wedding Survival: Dealing with groomsmen politics
It’s not quite the minefield the bridal party will no doubt be, but grooms can often find themselves wading through groomsmen politics when forming their own wedding party. Whether it’s being stuck between two potential best men, trying to take the bride’s feelings on board or funnelling family ‘suggestions,’ the process can give you a bit of a headache.
Here are some of the most common problems that can arise among the groom’s party…
Groomsmen Politics 101: The Best Man
While guys tend to be more laidback about being chosen – or overlooked – as best man, there are still a number of issues to consider and problems that could possibly arise. Maybe you were best man at another friend’s wedding and he’s expecting to be yours; maybe your brother thinks he’s going to be best man, but you actually want to choose your best mate.
Whatever the issue, it’s important to remember that it is your day – and there’s a way out of every sticky situation!
Groomsmen Politics 101: How many groomsmen?
There’s no set rule about how many groomsmen you should have – some grooms just stand at the alter with their best man, while others have 10 of their closest friends and family up there. Typically, you’ll choose a number of groomsmen to match the number of bridesmaids, so often the size of the groom’s party is dictated by how many girlfriends the bride has chosen.
If you want a small number of groomsmen but are worried some people will feel left out, you can assign usher jobs to the extras.
Groomsmen Politics 101: What about the bride’s brother?
You’re probably not going to avoid this one if the bride has her heart set on it. Hopefully you like her brother, so it’s not a big deal, but if you don’t, you’re probably going to have to suck it up. You could also insist that she include your sister or best female friend to make it fair, but consider the potential for long-term fights.
Groomsmen Politics 101: Your mum thinks Cousin Jimmy should be a groomsman
You have nothing in common with Cousin Jimmy and have never seen him outside a family function, but he’s your mum’s favourite sister’s son and she thinks it would be nice.
The reality is your mum has probably persuaded you to invite a few people you didn’t know/want there, so you can put your foot down when it comes to the groomsmen. Say that adding him will mean there are more groomsmen than bridesmaids; say that you’ve already had to leave some of your close friends out; say anything you have to.
Groomsmen Politics 101: The Stag Party
Honestly, you should not be worrying about anything to do with the stag party. This is your best man’s job and while the groomsmen should help out, he’s the one that gets final say. The best man is also the person who should be dealing with complaints about activities, etc, so if you find yourself in the middle of stag complaints, you chose the wrong guy.
Groomsmen Politics 101: The groomsmen aren’t getting on
Again, this isn’t something you should really be worrying about. You’re all grown-ups and they can put their issues aside for a wedding. It’s doubtful you’d have chosen two people who hate each other’s guts due to a decade-old feud, so the worst case is that they might have clashed at the stag and will avoid each other during the wedding.