When your Bride Vetoes your Guest

Jan 12, 2017 | The Big Day

Planning your wedding should be an exciting time, but there are always little speed bumps and issues that rear their ugly heads. One of the biggest problems that gets in between couples ahead of their big day is the guest list, with certain individuals often causing conflict and the groom finding himself stuck when his bride vetoes a guest.

If you’re unlucky enough to find yourself in a situation where your bride is dead set against someone, there are ways to get around the issue without tearing your hair out.

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What to do when your bride vetoes your guest list choices

Talk about it

Sit down with your other half and find out why she is so against inviting this person to your wedding. Be sure to get all of the details so that you have the whole picture. If she’s anti your best man’s girlfriend because she gave her a dirty look one time, a discussion might be able to win her over and put things into perspective; equally, if there is a serious issue, it will give you a better understanding of where she is coming from.

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Figure out who the person is important to, and work from there

This is just as important as the first point. If the person in question is a distant cousin who your mother is insisting on having present on your big day, there’s wiggle-room. However, if your bride doesn’t want to invite your own mother to your wedding, things are going to be a bit more complicated.

bride vetoes

Be diplomatic

If this is a person you want to be present on your wedding day, be diplomatic with your fiancée and make your feelings known and counted. Remind her that having your loved ones there is important to you, and explain the consequences of not inviting this person along to celebrate in your marriage.

It’s also worth reminding your fiancée that she will be so busy being the centre of attention on the day, that any interaction with this guest will likely be minimal.

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Compromise where possible

If you have the opportunity, try to compromise. There are a number of ways to get around potential drama: arrange for the guest to only attend the afters; seat those who might clash at different tables; have a trusted family member on alert to intervene if something comes up.

bride vetoes

Always consider the feelings of others

Your wedding day is possibly the most important day of your bride’s life, and it will not be fair if she is made to feel uncomfortable on her own big day. With this in mind, if she is dead set against this person having anything to with your big day, you will need to prioritise her feelings and weigh up what inviting this person will do to their feelings with how it will impact on your relationship.

Having said that, if you are going to let someone down, you need to do it in the gentlest way possible. Do not by any means tell the person that you or your bride don’t want them there – this will just upset them and damage relationships further. If the person truly cares about you, they will make peace with a reasonable excuse.

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Speaking of, come up with some reasonable excuses

Weddings are expensive and intimate affairs, and the days of lavish ceremonies and packed-out receptions left when the recession rolled in. As a result, more and more people are choosing modest celebrations, and this presents you with a fair and reasonable excuse to leave someone out of your big day.

Feelings will be saved and relationships preserved if you tell this person that the wedding is for close family and friends only, or that you have kept the guest list short due to a tight budget.

Only go along with the decision if you are happy

In more extreme cases, your bride vetoes a loved one or close friend present at your wedding. If the thought of not having this person there with you on your big day will put a dark cloud over the event, you need to communicate that to your bride. Don’t just go along with a decision to keep the peace; remember that it’s your day too, and your family and friends are just as important to you as hers are to her.